On the way home from teaching last evening, I spotted a swan on a pond. A video ensued, which I then played some cello to. Astute listeners may notice the occasional aural hint of some saintly saw'ns...
To samba, sashay and sail with, as well as sample, savour and saturate yourself in this salubrious, sapid, sanguine, salty, semi-sacred saga of satiny sapience, saunter over to this youtube link.
In late 2012, I received a phone call from a friend, Horst Dinningish, who's an expert in all things conspiracy. If there's a suspected NASA coverup ("Extraterrestrial signalshave been detected, they're just not telling the public!" or "There are aliens at Area 51!") or anything else of that ilk, chances are that Horst will know about it.
Horst Diningish: "You know what the Nazca lines are, right?"
WCN: "Yes. The giant man-made images in the Peruvian desert that are best seen from the air. What about them?"
HD: "There are similar structures under the Atlantic ocean – except they're much, much bigger than the Nazca lines. And – this is the reason I've phoned you – they clearly depict a cello. A giant cello."
WCN: "Wow. Do you have any pictures?"
HD: "Yes. Several."
After a hasty journey to his basement apartment, over the course of several hours, Horst and I examined both printed copies and enhanced computer images of the Sargasso Cello, as we came to call it, due to the fact that the cello's 'bridge' is near that famous patch of the Atlantic. My conclusion? Indeed, it was a cello. That is, some sort of construct in the shape of a cello, possibly built from rocks on the seafloor, arranged together into a type of wall. Like an underwater Great Wall of China, except in the distinctive shape of a cello, endpin and all. A seven hundred and seventy eight mile long cello. A feat of engineering, that could make the great pyramids of Egypt seem like something trivial.
As the sun began to rise, indicated by a few shafts of light into one of Horst's few windows, I said to him, "Ok, we've confirmed the thing is there. It's a cello. What I want to know is, who built it and why?"
Those questions were nothing more than that – glaring questions – for the next three and a half years. Then new information came in, which, while proving nothing definitive, at least allowed a theory to emerge, however nascent."
NASA's Galilei 2 probe was the first to get a glimpse of what lay beneath the ice on the planet Jupiter's oceanic moon, Europa. On that distant world, incredibly, the same type of structures were also found – massive undersea 'walls' that outlined the shape of a cello. Shortly after that discovery, on Mars, it was revealed that not only had water once run rampant on the red planet, a full fledged ocean existed there in times past. In short order, the remnants of yet another massive cello structure were detected slightly underground, centered right in the middle of where the ocean's waters had been.
Horst and I reconvened, once again in his dingy apartment.
HD: "Anything new?"
WCN: "A few ideas, but they're not provable and I wonder if they ever will be. Do you remember the so-called 'Clovis Cellos?'"
HD: "Yes I do – they're the eighty thousand year old instruments that gave rise to the theory that the modern cello was reverse-engineered from cellos created by a prehistoric ancient race. Nothing was ever proven though."
WCN: "That's only because the discoverer didn't make his findings public. He has definite proof that those cellos are ridiculously old though."
HD: "Wow! Why haven't we heard about this? Is he keeping it secret?"
WCN: "Completely secret. As far as I know, I'm the only other person who knows. He'll most likely take the knowledge to his grave, rather than give it to the world. Anyway, when I met him back in 2007, he provided me with compelling proof that an advanced human civilization existed on earth far earlier than most people currently believe."
HD: "And... they played the cello?"
WCN: "Yes, the evidence certainly points that way – or if they didn't play it, they at least worshipped it! Judging from the structures on Europa and Mars, it looks like whoever may have once lived on those worlds did too. Which leads to my theory, such as it is: advanced civilizations are into the cello. They are so into the cello, that images of the cello are the most lasting remnant of their civilizations after they've passed. Now what I am really curious to find out is whether this will also prove true in other solar systems..."
HD: "Good luck with that! At this point, astronomers can detect planets by their 'wobble,' but seeing onto their actual surfaces or underneath their waters is another matter altogether."
WCN: "Well I wasn't expecting to have my question answered right away!"
Epilogue: four months later, new Hubble Space Telescope composite images of several previously unexamined areas of the sky were released to the public. In those images? Planets – or, much more likely – alien built, planet-like structures – configured in the shapes of cellos. Like seeing the Big Dipper, except with even more detail, in the distinct shape of a cello. There are multiple examples of these constructs; the discoveries thus far number in the hundreds. It is likely that there are many more.
Proof at last that indeed, the Cello is a truly universal instrument.
Perhaps from now on, the word 'Cello' should always be capitalized!